To Marry, or Not to Marry?

I was a little offended by those comments made during a debate on a certain show and decided to write a piece on the topic.  I am a person who does live with a spouse and I am engaged to this person, whom I love very much. though we havent set a date,we do have a plan for our future together.  I wanted to start with certain questions that were asked:

Q:How long is too long to be engaged?
A: Over a year (was the typical answer)

Q: Do men propose to a woman to keep her quiet about the issue of marriage?
A: (no lay person was able to come up with a straight answer)

My question is depending on the relationship and the character of the couple, is being engaged for 6-12 months not enough time to decided to move forward with marriage plans?

A couple not knowing each personally for more than a year decide to get married. This couple then starts to  plan for their wedding and start to succumb to the pressures that wedding planning brings on, they begin to crack. It is then, that some couples began to bicker with one another. So lets say they get married six months later, and also never worked out their communication problems. Later down the line they realize that their marriage was a mistake, due to the never ending pressures and obstacles they face. Concluding my example, this marriage failed because they failed to get to know each other, by not getting past what I call the awe phase of the relationship. the awe phase is the phase when a couple only reveals their good, the romantic, the happy side of themselves to make their partners happy. Being together past this stage is experienced by those that are unmarried and cohabit do experience.Whether or not these relationships end in marriage, most of these long-term engaged, and cohabit couples last longer than the marriages that are rushed into. "shows that most couples who live together would like to get married someday, and within five years, slightly more than half of them do."

For those that say it is important to get married before you are engaged for more than a year, I would say to you that in ideal times this would be true for those who are comfortable financially and for those who really know the good, the bad, ugly about their partner ( and accept them unconditionally), also it is ideal for those couples that have a plan for their future together. Marriage is not a one size fits all (www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com, 2011). Meaning marriage does not work for every one's situation, but in society it is seen as "the right choice". In fact society is what encourages marriage. their are many financial benefits of marriage, such as pensions, health insurance, and religion.

Pressuring live-in couples and long-term engaged couples into married people will not improve the face of marriage. In the times that we live in is all the more reason for society to urge people not to jump into marriage.

Celebrities and wealthy people use marriage as a business deal. For example, there is always a prenuptial agreement or none. When the rich couple splits they spilt assets down the middle and one person walks away one million dollars richer. But in reality when average people get a divorce they have rushed through the experience, and walk away scarred, a child with a person they despise, or thousands of dollars in debt (or more than one of these). the average person cannot afford this kind of expense despite what experts and surveys say, it is best to wait and work through those issues before the marriage, than to be another statistic.

"Married adults now divorce two-and-a-half times as often as adults did 20 years ago and four times as often as they did 50 years ago... between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within... the first five years is 20%, and the probability of its ending within the first 10 years is 33%... Perhaps 25% of children ages 16 and under live with a stepparent."
—Brian K. Williams, Stacy C. Sawyer, Carl M. Wahlstrom, Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships, 2005 this is a link that provides advice about how to work out your differences with your spouse: www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com

Hard Times: What life is like for the average person

It's been a long wait but I'm back. Alot of thugs have happened since my last blog. I temporally finished college with hopes of maybe taking up some kind of  skill  and using it to help pay my loans and tuition fees.
After college there was limited work at my, then current job, so I decided to take a emergency medical specialist class. Yes I am currently a certified EMT, but getting a job in this field proved more challenging than I expected. So here I am in November wondering, should I use my criminal justice degree or my certification as an EMT?
As a mother of two a also have to worry about my children, which are more important than dreams of what I aspire to be. I have to worry about what I am. Cooking cleaning homework and studying help is all mine. So why is it that I'm so bummed out about where I should be, rather than just be proud of how far I've come in life?
In life society seems to set unrealistic goals for the "haves and have nots". Which only a hand full of have nots and of course the haves succeed. Being female, not only pushes you to wanna be the best at everything, but if your a have not your only hope is to succeed, to give your children, or future children the luxury you didn't have.
I'm not one to solely Blame society,  but also myself. It is not the fault of the have nots to not have the opportunity (money) to buy connections to become middle class or become apart of the one percent. It is the fault of the one percent that the have nots no longer have a place in government, since the one percent makes it more impossible every year for the have nots to finally have.

The Fear of the Big "M" word

It is almost six months until my wedding, and it is still not becoming real to me. For years other couples around us have gotten married and it was exciting. Now that my big day is approaching, I don't have doubts or nervousness I feel that I am setting an example for my growing family. Showing my children that having two married parents under the same roof can be beneficial for children. I just feel like the meaning of weddings have become somewhat unimportant to my generation, and maybe nonexisting in generations to come. To fill the gap more couples are domestic partners or just living under the same roof. I feel the 21st century couples don't even get married as much as couples get divorced (which is almost 50%). The 21st century marriage is more about money and prenuptial agreements, than trust and loyalty or family (for better or for worse). . Living together as a couple with children, and being unmarried, and monogamous, is the same as living as a married couple with children. We fear that marriage will change us. But life experiences are the life changers. The fear of a couple getting married are reflections of their own life experiences. Being children of divorced parents can possibly drive some men and women to label marriage as being tied down or other negative things.  In all marriages there should be not only trust, love, and honesty, but also friendship and communication. Getting married should be a positive change....

Please take the marraige poll test & post your comments

My resolution... at 12 midnight

Sitting here wondering where the past five years of my life has gone. Even though I know where, it is so amazing this thing they call time. How time can keep on rolling without a care in site or who may or may not be in the future. Those who don't change with time linger and are left behind with no chance to catch up. slackers who let go of change or who are enemies of are left in the dark in a metaphorical sense.
In these past five years i have been holding on strong to my new life, the life of having my own family, and becoming a wife. In 2005 I graduated from high school and told myself that in the next five years I wanted to have a professional job working for the government, a big house, my family, lots of money, and possibly marriage.
In reality No person is perfect and actually gets everything on this list with perfection with cooperation of time. Time cannot be bargained or brought. That is why I try to take one step at a time on a daily basis. I live life loving my kids, my fiance, and rest of my family.

P.S.
Praying that my Grandmother pulls through, and comes home from the hospital in good health. We just began to develop a good relationship!!!

The Life & Times of Kassie.......

This Is the world of me as I know and see it. Everything from being a mom, an employee, a full time college student, will give you a sense of common ground to relate to my story as I see it!