The day before the big day

I'm now 37 weeks and 3 days along. Carrying my baby girl. I'm scheduled to be induced tomorrow night. Though I have a plan, I'm still thinking about the unknown, what can happen, the risks, and the joy. Just sitting in my car thinking  "wow I'm gonna be giving birth to another baby soon , can't believe it, can't believe the circumstances I'm facing either". I'm in Brooklyn, waitng for my kids to get out of school to leave here, and drive back to Staten Island. Nobody is answering their phone so I'm just sitting here in my car.This is it. It's just me and my journey, with my children. That's something else when you think to yourself all you really have in this world is yourself, and your children. Not the children's fathers, just the children and yourself. Thinking of that moment when I hold her and look into her eyes...

Finding myself: single and pregnant

OIt's just one of those days at work. Sitting on the window seal of the 4 floor cafeteria at work, thinking to myself...what did I get myself into? My life feels like one big mistake right now. Nothing is going right. Being in the beginning of my fourth month of my pregnancy. Having a baby by somebody I work with and no longer involved with. Watching that person ignore my very existence, has distroyed my spirit, my drive, annoyed my work friends. Everything has changed, sleeping, working, and even eating has gotten harder. Being at this stage where you just feel miserable, makes me feel as if there will never be light in this dark cave I call my life right now. 

The most I can do is get up and go to work, and try to focus on my daily tasks. People have started to notice that I'm expecting and I want my baby but I'm not too happy right now.I think that everyone sees how miserable and aggravated  I am. I even hate talking about baby stuff. 

25 weeks more to go...

Life changes

With success sometimes comes change you didn't expect. My life was turned upside down at the end of September of 2015. As a couple we were finally getting where we wanted to be. X and I were finally living our dreams, I finally got a steady job with benefits and X finally had a better paying job he was proud of. With these jobs and three children came extra stress. More stress meant more fighting less communicating, our relationship was strained, and very fragile to begin with. We had lots of issues we failed to continue to work on. I became tired and frustrated no longer wanting to deal with our issues anymore.Sometimes the mind can cloud your judgement due to anger and resentment. Making you forget, that with all the progress you've made as a couple financially, has nothing to do with the spiritual growth and connection to your partner. We still despised one another. We even got to a point where we felt we were better off apart. Not taking time to think things out, we abruptly made sudden moves.  Not only changing our lives, but the lives of our children. Our children were the most important prized possession that we overlooked in the heat of the moment. After almost a decade we split up our family. Although we split up due to bad times, there were lots of good times also. I mean why else would you work it out for ten years,right?