We have are now expecting a new addition to our family!

 

 

 

We, as a whole couldn't be more excited. As for me, it couldn't be more nerve wracking. what do you do? ...what will you name him? will he really turn out to be like me or hubby? Will he be healthy?......... we he have all ten toes and fingers?....will he be as cute as his big sister or brother? we all have worries, but here a few that I've thought about that may be amusing to you.

1) How many of us really think everyone else's baby is actually cute? who wants to be the the mom of the ugly child? LOL! Nobody wants to shield their baby from the camera after you've already made such a big deal about how cute his sonogram pictures were and shared them with the entire world.

2) How in the world will you ever have any alone time with a third child? This is a question I hear from other people and constantly ask myself (thanks to those adding to my worries). How will I pursue my career if I continue to procreate? well not gonna say that I have it all figured out, but most people make due with what they have and just because I will be a mother of three doesn't mean my life is over or that I have to stay home does it?

3) How in the world are supposed to support three children? Well this should be the number one question but not my number one worry. I feel that if I budget my money continue to save and buy only the necessities I will do fine, right? I guess we will see.

4) How in the world do you make room for another child in your already occupied space? Hmmm... I think there is a place called storage and thank goodness there are 9 months to figure this out. Where do you put a crib in an already filled up room? How do you part with the stuff you don't wanna get rid of? I guess only time will tell.

5)How do you reassure to your children that this new baby is not gonna replace them?
Well that's why you keep children involved in the prep for baby. Sonograms, baby shopping, talking about what they would love to help with when the baby comes. There's always the amount of time you spend with them and show them you care, right?

6) How do you get rid if the spectator's opinions in your life?
No matter what you do in life there are always gonna be those there with their opinions of how you should live. Always gonna be those people that smile at you when your in their presence, then laugh at you when your not around. Everyone who laughs at you may always weep in the dark about their own short comings. We know those people that swear that they can help you, be the person they want you to be, if this person they want you to be is not you then why don't they go find them? What about about those just unhappy people, that just wont quit snickering? well, you are the company you keep. If your not, then they are not benefiting you in any way (though they may be amusing). Keeping the positive in your circle and keeping out the negative can bring less stress, and less drama in your life do you agree?

 

Babies"R"Us - Baby Registry

Babies"R"Us - Baby Registry

To Marry, or Not to Marry?

I was a little offended by those comments made during a debate on a certain show and decided to write a piece on the topic.  I am a person who does live with a spouse and I am engaged to this person, whom I love very much. though we havent set a date,we do have a plan for our future together.  I wanted to start with certain questions that were asked:

Q:How long is too long to be engaged?
A: Over a year (was the typical answer)

Q: Do men propose to a woman to keep her quiet about the issue of marriage?
A: (no lay person was able to come up with a straight answer)

My question is depending on the relationship and the character of the couple, is being engaged for 6-12 months not enough time to decided to move forward with marriage plans?

A couple not knowing each personally for more than a year decide to get married. This couple then starts to  plan for their wedding and start to succumb to the pressures that wedding planning brings on, they begin to crack. It is then, that some couples began to bicker with one another. So lets say they get married six months later, and also never worked out their communication problems. Later down the line they realize that their marriage was a mistake, due to the never ending pressures and obstacles they face. Concluding my example, this marriage failed because they failed to get to know each other, by not getting past what I call the awe phase of the relationship. the awe phase is the phase when a couple only reveals their good, the romantic, the happy side of themselves to make their partners happy. Being together past this stage is experienced by those that are unmarried and cohabit do experience.Whether or not these relationships end in marriage, most of these long-term engaged, and cohabit couples last longer than the marriages that are rushed into. "shows that most couples who live together would like to get married someday, and within five years, slightly more than half of them do."

For those that say it is important to get married before you are engaged for more than a year, I would say to you that in ideal times this would be true for those who are comfortable financially and for those who really know the good, the bad, ugly about their partner ( and accept them unconditionally), also it is ideal for those couples that have a plan for their future together. Marriage is not a one size fits all (www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com, 2011). Meaning marriage does not work for every one's situation, but in society it is seen as "the right choice". In fact society is what encourages marriage. their are many financial benefits of marriage, such as pensions, health insurance, and religion.

Pressuring live-in couples and long-term engaged couples into married people will not improve the face of marriage. In the times that we live in is all the more reason for society to urge people not to jump into marriage.

Celebrities and wealthy people use marriage as a business deal. For example, there is always a prenuptial agreement or none. When the rich couple splits they spilt assets down the middle and one person walks away one million dollars richer. But in reality when average people get a divorce they have rushed through the experience, and walk away scarred, a child with a person they despise, or thousands of dollars in debt (or more than one of these). the average person cannot afford this kind of expense despite what experts and surveys say, it is best to wait and work through those issues before the marriage, than to be another statistic.

"Married adults now divorce two-and-a-half times as often as adults did 20 years ago and four times as often as they did 50 years ago... between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within... the first five years is 20%, and the probability of its ending within the first 10 years is 33%... Perhaps 25% of children ages 16 and under live with a stepparent."
—Brian K. Williams, Stacy C. Sawyer, Carl M. Wahlstrom, Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships, 2005 this is a link that provides advice about how to work out your differences with your spouse: www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com